Personal

Farewell to 2010

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This is not a convenient day for the year to end.

January 1, 2010, was a calm, and truly monochromatic day, which set the initial tone for the year and the first photo I posted reflected the tone.  It was turning away from the excitement and adventures in 2009 towards a more inward and local focus on creativity and relationships…and finding a new job.  And at the end of the year, much of that remains true: more creative output, both musically and visually than ever, new friends (and deepening ties with old friends), and I did get that new job.  But the pace and energy are anything but calm.  Life has been hurtling forward at a faster and faster pace, with an ever higher density of activity and experience, and that can’t keep going forever.  There are limits.  Limits in time, in resources, and in my body.     Slowing down is not easy, and may not even be necessary, but this coming year is going to be about doing the best I can within those limits. In terms of this site, there is always the tension between experiences and writing about those experiences, and lately I have been erring on the side of experience versus writing about it.  It’s a continuous process to learn how to balance that.

Things don’t always look particularly bright when you’re in the middle of them.  This year (like most) was riddled with mistakes and failures, missed opportunities, and more.  But if, say, “2008 me” got to look ahead and see “2010 me”, he would probably be amazed at how much has changed…mostly for the better.  I saw another interesting perspective yesterday when a friend, in saying good riddance to 2010, pointed around the table and said (and I paraphrase) “your 2010 sucked”, “your 2010 sucked” and then when she pointed to me said “yours was actually pretty good”.

So tomorrow I will simply pick up where things left off today…and keep in mind the phrase from a show I saw at the beginning of the year (by Anthony Discenza), “Everything Will Probably Turn Out OK.”

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It is a beautiful harsh sun this morning. Sitting out the patio with coffee, reading and writing.
As I contemplate whether to go on a sort trip, Maybe for photography or highway spotting, I realize I have everything I need right here. Our industrial and concrete surroundings. The geometric shapes from the structures and the artwork. The sounds from the nearby freeway like a gentle wind or waves along the ocean. The cadence of the trains coming to a stop.

Luna provides a bit of the wild and nature. The little black panther hunting in her native habitat.

I just read an article where the author derided cats for being so close to their natural cousins and thus I’ll suited to bring pets. I instead chose to celebrate how a creature can retain parts if her wild heritage and perfectly reflect the design of artificial surroundings.

And since it is Labor Day, it seems appropriate to reflect on the recent month I spent unemployed. I already had a new job lined up for August, and I had things pretty well mapped out with a combination of music, photography, time at home, and time just taking in the city.
The first Monday, I did one of my long walks through Chinatown, North Beach and along the Embarcadero feeling far more positive and optimistic than I had in a long time. I got sick that night. I am convinced it was all the toxic aspects of my previous job leaving my body. By the next evening it had passed I was feeling as healthy as i had all year. This coincided with the start of a yoga and meditation routine for prosperity and opportunity. And those did come. Lots of musical opportunities. Three different opportunities to do collaborate on photography. I rarely left the city during this period, preferring to take in everything i could by foot or by transit until the new job would force a new routine with a daily commute and sense of bring cut off from the things that make me feel most myself.

Which brings us back to today. My body needs a break from driving. It’s more important to edit and review and select from the photos I already have than make new ones. For music, i just need to spend time playing and exploring.

So staying here seems like the right choice.

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In a medium that is designed only for speaking or broadcasting, how does one indicate listening? The time I spend listening, and viewing, and reflecting is generally lost.

Tonight I find myself thinking about one instruction set computing, the organic and geometric reflections of dim lights on metal objects, how I should really do a fun-with-highways-post and the old fashioned art of romantic letter writing, while Luna keeps a patient and quiet watch within arms reach.

And that should really be enough.